CTRL + ALT + DEL

I was doing good and then somewhere in the Fall I said "fuck it." I don't know why.

        * I stopped working out.

        * I stopped going to Weight Watchers.

        * I stopped taking my meds regularly.

Not surprisingly, I put weight back on and my headaches returned.

I broke out my fat clothes.

I pouted.

In November I went back to Weight Watchers only to discover that the plan had changed. And my old phone wouldn't support the new app.

I pouted some more.

In December I got a new phone and made a doctor's appointment.

Yesterday I went back to Weight Watchers. I'm at 200 pounds on the nose. I've gained back 20 pounds. WTF?! I sat in on the New Member briefing -- again -- and learned about the new program.

I went to the doctor (with a raging migraine) and renewed my meds. I set up appointments for a colonoscopy, a mammogram and blood work. (Yea for being 50 -- NOT!) Then I threw up from the headache and spent the rest of the day in bed.

So I'm trying again.

Again.

Me Minus 30

So things have been slow. My resolve is waning and I've slipped back into bad habits -- too many sweets, not enough movement, sporadic tracking.

I still go to Weight Watchers meetings. I step on the scale every week and hold myself accountable.

Despite my self-sabotaging, I've managed to lose just over 30 pounds. Had I been vigilant, I'd be a lot thinner by now -- but dwelling on that doesn't help. (I say this aloud because though I know it to be true, I still beat myself up regularly.)

I took the dogs to the beach last night. I was wearing size 14 jeans (yea!) and a baggy t-shirt because I'm not comfortable with the rolls of fat above the waistband.

My husband took this picture. I look mean but thinner, especially if you compare it to my beginning photo. And here are the numbers:

Starting weight: 214
Current Weight: 181

I'm about halfway to my goal. Damn this journey is hard.

Kelley Climbs!

My weight hasn't changed in months.

I know why.

It's me being stupid. It's me being lazy.

I ( finally!) got tired of whining about it. I found a Groupon for a local rock wall gym and said "What the hell."

Honestly I didn't last long. And I never did make it to the top. But …

I did it.

I'm sore. Really sore. Rock climbing is a full body workout. And I had a full body to pull up that wall! But …

I did it anyway.
I didn't wait until I was thinner. I didn't wait until I had more money. I didn't wait until I had more grace and skill.

I turned 50 and decided that I'm tired of waiting for "the right time." I've wasted too much time waiting. So …

• I'll do it fat.
• I'll do it broke.
• I'll do it awkward.

Yea me. This is another bucket list item to cross of the list.

I'm hoping this will motivate me to get moving again. Squats and push-ups will help get me to the top of the wall. Whining and eating junk food won't.

Today I'm getting back on the program. Not tomorrow morning. Not next weigh-in day.

TODAY!

And next time I'll have more flattering pictures. Thankfully nobody is looking at this blog but me.

Plateaus Suck

I've hit a plateau on my weight loss journey. It sucks.

I've been losing and gaining and losing the same two pounds for the past 6 weeks. It's frustrating.

I know part of the problem is that I've been slacking. I'm not tracking regularly, I'm not always making wise choices and I've stopped the squats.

AND I've stopped blogging. That's a bad sign.

Why am I sabotaging myself?

Every Thursday I write notes to myself in my WW My Success Story booklet after weigh-in. "The program works if you work the program" and "Track more, walk more, lose more." I'll track, but by Sunday I've slipped back into the bad habits. It's frustrating. I just can't seem to break the 30 pound down threshold. Grrr . . .

Tears of Joy

I stopped by the doctor's office today to see if I could get the results of my last A1C. Several months ago I was at 7.5. Since then I've been working hard to bring it down. I was hoping to be under 7. Well, the magic number today was 5.6. FIVE POINT SIX! I was so overwhelmed that I sat in my car and cried.

I also had my InBody Scan redone at the gym. Those numbers are improving as well. My total weight and body fat mass are both lower (not by much, it's only been five weeks). Even better, my skeletal muscle mass went up. Why? Squats! (Actually, exercise in general. But telling myself it's the squats helps me hate them less.)

I've still got a long way to go on this journey to health. However, it's nice to see that I'm headed in the right direction.

Yay Kelley!

Me Minus 20

I stepped on the scale at Weight Watchers this week. I'm down 20.2 pounds! I think that's worth celebrating. Noticeable changes include:

• My face looks a little thinner in pictures. (Unfortunately, the double chin is still there.)
• My jeans are sagging. The crotch hangs lower, allowing my thighs to rub together. This has caused a bit of a rash that my husband calls "Chub Rub." I had to buy a belt.
• My work shirts are more comfortable.
• I can take off my wedding ring.

And the numbers are:

Starting Weight: 214
Current Weight: 194

Hubby and I took the dog to St. Augustine today. (Trying to get those steps in!) Here's a picture of me, Jedi and a random pirate. → I still don't like the way I look in pictures. But . . .

Baby steps, Kelley. Baby steps.

Vacation Challenges

Times Square!

I just got back from an awesome vacation. Three friends and I went to New York City for the Westminster Dog Show. This was one of my bucket list items and I saved for two years to go.

NYC was overwhelming. We were there 5 days/4 nights and barely scratched the surface. In addition to a couple days of dog shows, we saw Wicked on Broadway, a comedy show in a dive club, ate dim sum in Chinatown, rode the subway, met a rude cab driver, visited the 9/11 Memorial, got a hot dog from a street vendor in Central Park and so much more. Our hotel was in Times Square and it's true that the city never sleeps. I didn't sleep either. I averaged 4.5 hours a night and tried to get in a 20 minute nap daily. I'm still catching up!

One of many!

As much fun as the trip was, there were a few challenges. Food was very expensive. There is nothing low fat in NYC. Portions are larger than I'm used to, and I didn't track anything in my Weight Watchers app. I shared food when I could, but I still ate like crazy (hot dogs, bagels, pizza, cheese cake and the world's best Rueben sandwich top the list).

Surprisingly, I gained less than half a pound. My Weight Watchers leader gave me kudos. My Fitbit said I walked 31.37 miles in 5 days, so I think that helped.

Next time I go to NYC (and yes, there will be a next time!) I will make sure to see the Statue of Liberty, the Natural History Museum and the Bronx Zoo. And I will definitely bring a good pair of walking shoes!